Je suis un artist

"And truthfully, the lie of it all is much more honest
Because I invented it...
...It's not that I've been dishonest
It's just that I loathe reality...

...It's sort of like my past is an unfinished painting
And as the artist of that painting
I must fill in all the ugly holes
And make it beautiful again..." - Gaga, Lady (Marry the Night)

Outta facts that I can find

I will leave myself to rush and suffer in to the night

if alone... so there I will be waiting

If accompanied... I will love myself

And when I find a way to remain...

My stories and history will make some sense to somebody

The way they intertwine and stick with diaphanous blood

I've dried so many tears trying to separate them...

I've got a plan...

But when I try to regain control I back to the ground again

Seems patheticaly useless fight it

But I've got a plan...

 Why do we can't escape? 

Am I so deep drowned that I can't see real light?

How can I live in OUR world?

And when do have I began my own?

It all makes me sad

Fighting makes me sad

Cause I always find myself stabbing my own backs

I'm trying to wait, breathing through

Wounds that will never heal

Cause they protect me so much...

I guess...?!

My fever goes with daylight

and the shining stars take it's place

Mommentum mori lasts inside me

I can't go right or left, up or down, front or back!

And waiting (for me) is not live

So I hold it all with my bare soul(s?) 

It hurts? I don't know!

I'm trying to feel in Factum...

I hope my life change ... even if slowly

I don't know how to reach out another place inside my head.

And I'm sorry for myself

Sorry for been so troublesome to everybody!

I've never had a choice!

It's a disease.

Thanks I can rest now!